Navigating Autism, ADHD, and The Stigma That Follows

I’ve spent the majority of the last 3 months trying to navigate my own emotions after Leo’s (my son) diagnosis; Level 1 Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. I’ve had a mix of emotions ranging from anger, to shame, back to frustration, on to guilt, fear, and in the midst of all that, there’s an undeniable and never-ending deeply rooted love for my boy; all of these feelings interchanging ever so freely amongst one another.

• Angry at the fact that Leo has a diagnosis of any kind. As a parent, you don’t really want your kids to have anything outside of the “norm”.

• Ashamed that I even feel this way; so many others have it much worse. Yet I can’t lie or pretend that I don’t feel this way, at least I haven’t grown past it yet if you will.

• Frustrated about what’s within my circle of control vs not and battling against the narrative/stigma that he needs special treatment, accommodations, etc. when I don’t believe that to be the case. I know without a doubt that as we continue to challenge his growth and development and remain consistent, he will outgrow these so-called limitations; he’s already proving it.

• Guilty due to things I can not change, like getting him evaluated sooner and maybe seeing further progress as a result. Or being more patient/understanding about his behavior knowing what I know now. Along the way, I’ve learned to give myself grace in this, for not a single day passes by that I don’t find ways to be more intentional and a better father to him.

• Fear that he will be seen differently through the lens of his diagnosis vs for who he is and that it will cost him and us relationships. We’ve seen some of this already in terms of kids asking us why he asks the same question over and over again (echolalia). Or even for myself, comparing his behavior to those of my friends kids and noticing the difference right away. However, I am very optimistic of the progress we have already noticed in a short amount of time since he started weekly occupational therapy sessions; his best days are still ahead.

• Filled with love for him, well, because he’s my son and nothing will ever change that. He makes me better and challenges me to show up my best every single day. I fall short, for sure, yet he is so gracious towards me and constantly increases my capacity to love.

All this said, in the grand scheme of things and the vast nuance that exists in Spectrum Disorders, I do believe we got the “best” case scenario.

Leo’s main barriers lie in being socially motivated (not to be confused with incapable to socialize), emotional regulation (this is a big one), and due to ADHD an elevated impact to the normal things you would expect from a 5 year old boy: limited attention span, hyper activity, inability to sit still, respecting people’s personal space, amongst many other things.

As a result, and as his parents, we are overly attentive to these things as we are very much so in the early stages of learning when to step in and when to let things be; eventually we’ll learn the right balance as we continue to educate ourselves and expose Leo to things that challenge and encourage him to grow.

Talking about growth, man, does autism cause you to grow as a parent let alone as a person altogether; it truly is humbling and encouraging all at the same time.

Raising Leo has changed me in ways I never expected. What began as a focus to help him navigate the world, has now become a journey of discovering a deeper understanding of people, relationships, and even myself. So, here are 6 lessons that Leo has taught me so far:

1. Pay Attention to the Small Things

Many people carry burdens they never express out loud. When we slow down and pay attention, we become more compassionate and aware of the needs of those around us.

Lesson: Sometimes the most important messages are communicated without words.

2. Everyone Experiences the World Differently

One of the greatest gifts Leo has taught me is that people do not all experience life through the same lens. What seems easy for one person may be overwhelming for another. What feels natural to us may be difficult for someone else.

Recognizing these differences has helped me become less judgmental and far more understanding.

Lesson: Different is not less. Different is simply different.

3. Grace Comes Before Understanding

There have been many moments when I did not fully understand what Leo was thinking, feeling, or experiencing which has caused a lot of internal and external frustration. Yet those moments continue to teach me the importance of extending grace before expecting explanations.

Lesson: Offer grace first. Understanding often comes later.

4. We Never Truly Know What Others Are Carrying

Raising Leo has reinforced a simple truth: every person has a story and many struggles remain hidden beneath the surface.

When we remember this, we become slower to judge and quicker to show kindness. A little patience and compassion can make a tremendous difference in someone’s life.

Lesson: Treat every person with kindness because you may never know the weight they are carrying.

5. Growth Happens in Both Directions

As parents, we often believe our role is to prepare our children for the world. While that is certainly true, our kids have a way of preparing us just as much. While I may have been focused on preparing him, the truth is, that Leo has been preparing me as well.

He has stretched my patience, deepened my empathy, challenged my assumptions, and helped me see life from perspectives I might never have considered otherwise.

Lesson: Sometimes the people we are trying to teach become our greatest teachers.

6. Understanding Others Begins with Understanding Ourselves

The more I learn about Leo, the more I learn about myself. His journey has prompted me to examine my own expectations, assumptions, strengths, and weaknesses.

Growth often begins when we are willing to listen, learn, and adapt.

Lesson: The journey of understanding others often becomes a journey of self-discovery.

Leo’s autism has not only changed the way I understand him. It has changed the way I understand people, and perhaps most importantly, the way I understand myself.

You Are Not Alone